Hello LJ. It's been awhile. Lots of things have happened, but not much has changed. I live elsewhere now, and I know more about myself. I don't like what I had learned.
I quit updating because I guess it just ran its course. I had a love/hate relationship with having a public journal. A mix of "Hey, look at me!" and shame for such vapid posturing (I never did care for drawing attention to myself). It was a good six year run. Then I was done and didn't look back. Now I am back. If not for good, then at least for now.
I thought I'd post another entry today so that if any of my still-friends (too lazy to clean your lists, folks? :P) see it and only it, they won't think, "Crap, he's checking out!" I kind of want to post more now. I don't mean I've been feeling it lately, I mean right now. The urge hit me just a few minutes ago. And in spite of my shoddy internet connection, here I am doing it. I think the compulsion comes from a desire to be beautiful. I want to spill beautiful, touching words like magic. A stream of consciousness, a river of dreams, a... whoa there, pretentious, no? Maybe that's the draw of a public journal. The performance of writing something and putting it out there. The act of seeking. Hello audience, here I am, attempting beauty. We all need a little beauty, especially the depressed (and yes, I am depressed. Have been for a long time). I need this.
I'm feelin': Sadly quixotic
Current Music: Alan Price - Time & Tide